Mindfulness and media? It seems like an unlikely pair, I know. Hear me out.
When I tell parents that I study children’s media, I get comments like “screens are so addicting for kids”. But what about adults? Some days I catch myself mindlessly scrolling through Instagram, compulsively checking my emails and texts, or falling down a rabbit hole of videos on Youtube. In those moments, I’m using media as a way to distract myself from the present moment. But can we change our relationship screens and use them primarily as a tool to connect rather than distract? Can we use media as a way to enhance the present moment and interact with others? I think we can.
While presenting on a Familial and Contextual Influences on Media Use for Families with Young Children panel at the Society for Research in Child Development last week, our Q&A took an interesting turn. We ended up wondering how we can help parents, asking questions like “What tools can we give to parents to help them feel less distracted, more in-control of their media habits, serve as good media role models, and help foster high-quality family time?” I believe mindfulness is the answer, and I recently created some dissemination materials on this very topic that I’d like to share here on mindful parenting with media.
Before we get into mindful parenting, let’s clarify what “mindfulness” is. Mindfulness is “the awareness that emerges through paying attention on purpose, in the present moment, and non-judgmentally to the unfolding of experience moment by moment” (Kabat-Zinn, 2003). Mindful parenting, a framework developed by mindfulness experts, incorporates mindfulness into the parent-child relationship. This framework is made up of 5 elements:
1. Having compassion for yourself and your child
2. Listening with full attention
3. Self-regulation in the parenting relationship
4. Remaining nonjudgmental of yourself and your child
5. Being emotionally aware of yourself and your child
Mindful parenting has been found to buffer stress responses in parents and children (Laurent et al., 2017), improve children’s prosocial skills, lower parenting stress, increase parental satisfaction (Singh et al., 2007), and much more. Amazing, right? But how can you get started? My idea was to translate these 5 elements of mindful parenting into an everyday joint-media experience. Informed by research on mindful parenting and dialogic reading, here are some concrete tips on how to mindfully read a book with your child.
- Be present and listen. Notice when your mind wanders, then come back to noticing your child and the book you’re reading together. While reading, listen and notice to how your child responds to the story.
- Talk together. Have your child ask questions, guess what’s going to happen next, or create their own ending or their own story. Ask your child questions throughout the story. “What? Where? When? Why? How?” questions can help you both be more engaged, even if your child is not yet talking. Remember there are no right or wrong answers.
- Practice patience. It’s OK if your child wants to hear the same story over and over again. Be gentle and kind with yourself and your child if either of you has trouble staying focused. Notice when one or both of you needs to take a break and try again later.
- Take your time. Books for young children may not have a lot of words but there is always a lot to talk about. Slow down and talk about the story and the pictures. While reading, listen and notice how your child responds to the story. Reading with expression and using silly voices can enhance the time together for both of you.
- Stay calm. Children, especially very young children, do not always sit still when stories are being read. It’s OK if they move around, they are still listening. If your child tries to turn the page too soon, rips the paper, or closes the book – turn it into a conversation rather than a conflict.
- Accept yourself and your child. Notice how you and your child feel and respond when sharing books. Notice how your child is feeling: curious, creative, frightened, sad, happy, silly, or quiet today. What about you? Are you having fun or feeling bored and distracted? Can you enhance the positive emotions or shift the negatives?
After trying out this exercise with a print book, perhaps try an eBook. Then move on to an app, a video, or a game. Ask yourself how co-using various media formats elicits different experiences, but more importantly, how are they similar? Remember that while media can serve as a distraction, it also holds the power to bring us together. The choice is yours!
Interested in a printable flyer for parents on this topic? Check it out here.
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